- I have no energy - if I write a post shouldn't it be documenting SOMETHING else going on in my or my family's life?
- I don't really know how to frame such a post
- I kind of feel it is personal
- I've been slacking on my blogging (and most everything else) - at least this is a decent excuse and I would only have to write it once.
- It has been consuming my life - isn't that what this blog is for?
- A big symptom for me is that I can't remember anything - shouldn't I journal (blogging is my journaling these days) my thoughts and concerns
- More women should be aware of this issue so it will be normalized and caught earlier - particularly my family since there is a genetic component. Since family is my primary audience, don't I owe everyone this (VERY) public service announcement?
I am hypothyroid on a "full replacement dose" of synthetic thyroxine. I was diagnosed with said condition on Justin's birthday after a month of losing my hair in handfuls and becoming increasingly exhausted and irritable despite prioritizing sleep. It is a chronic illness that will never go away but is fairly easy to deal with once you fine tune the dosage of meds. The theory is that that it shut down because I probably have a fairly common genetic auto-immune condition (large family history points to this) and that coming out of pregnancy with all the hormone and immune shifts sealed the deal. Apparently, this presentation is fairly common and I believe at least one of my cousins went through a similar timeline of diagnosis (with a little more heartache - hugs to you if you are reading!).
I am doing much better after nearly a month of meds - both in symptoms and in blood work. I initally called my doctor with complaints of exhaustion and being overwhelmed to the point of being emotional. It was suprising to me to see how quickly symptoms I couldn't ID as symptoms due to the exhaustion such as pain in my hips (which I attributed co-sleeping and bad beds as we moved across the country), visionish issues/brain fog, and flacky skin on my arms dissapears on the meds. I am still having some residual symptoms in that I'm still very tired about 50% of the time, am having some concentration issues, am having some insomnia issues, having some mild anxiety/depression issues and some other pretty minor things like dry skin. To try and deal with this, my dosage was increased slightly this week as a trial for the next 4 weeks. I'm also nightweaning (no nursing from 9pm through 4:30am) Martin so I can get some more restorative rest.
The doctors keep telling me that it takes time to undo damage in the body and brain that was likely created over the last 5-7 months and perhaps the past few years. And that is the part I want to stress. I knew I was struggling - even hormonally - at least 3 or 4 months ago. But I just chalked it up to being a new mom. When I called my midwife to ask for some lab tests, the nurse kindly suggested I might have some 'baby blues,' that I should nightwean Martin to get more sleep, and that hair naturally falls out post partum (and it did back around 3 months). I stuck to my story that unatural exhaustion not depression was my primary symptom (although depression/irritation was an issue... and looking back, a bigger issue than I was able to comprehend in my exhausted state) and that I wanted my blood tested for thyroid and iron issues before I came in for post partum depression resources. She was so convincing, I almost felt like a fool dragging myself to the lab at the hospital the next day to have the blood drawn. It was beautiful outside, and it was one of my less exhausted days. I didn't look sick. Everyone kept commenting on my adorable baby. I didn't feel like such a fool the day after the blood draw when my midwife was leaving multiple messages on my phone that "we needed to discuss my lab results and formulate a plan to get [me] some help."
How glad I am that I pushed the issue - and how I wish I had demanded the tests back in June or July when I started to drag. So if are six months post partum and are more tired than any other point in your pregnancy or early infancy, or even if your children are older but you find yourself really run down despite prioritizing rest, drag yourself to the doctor and demand the thyroid test - especially if you belong to either side of my family!
6 comments:
I actually thought I had hypothyroidism now. I had it as a kid and was put on Synthroid and it wasn't an issue after puberty. In school these past few years I've felt like an idiot and thought maybe I had it again. My girlfriend at the time was a hematologist and I begged her to draw blood and run lab tests. She made fun of me because she thinks I'm a hypochondriac. Anyway, that's not my problem it seems but I find it kind of odd that your hypothyroidism remained a mystery because it is highly pushed on me as a medical student because hypothyroidism is a "curable" cause of depression. Good luck with the thyroid replacement therapy. Ya know thyroid hormone is usually an ingredient in those miracle diet pills so you get to lose weight without trying....load up on the ben and jerry's!!
Oh honey, I am soooooooo glad you finally got to the Dr. Remember me asking you about having blood work done? I really felt you were hypo since you had a lot of the same symtems I had. It was after Jason that it finally came to the point of the Dr realizing it. I think most Drs try to avoid treating it unless it is way obvious. It takes time to adjust etc. It makes so much difference in your life. Thanks for posting. I love you all.
My Shiny Nickel, I'm sorry if I'm the one that passed it on to you. I didn't mean to. Thankyou for the effort to make me feel comfortable while visiting a few weeks ago. I know that you really didn't have the energy for my visit, but I really had fun and enjoyed the time together, especially picking black-berries and watching Martin scan the sky for airplanes that he was sure he heard. Hang in there and know that I love you lots and lots.
Now John, I am waiting for all the fabulous pictures you must have taken along the way on your road trip. I'll bet it was so much fun. Nicole besure to update us on how you are doing with your new medication. Our prayers are always with you. xoxoxoxxo
i love you 'coley
Hey Nicole,
Somehow I have been keeping up on your blog but missed this entry. I know you know how much I feel for you regarding this and I am so sorry you have had to go through this all. I think the most frightening part of the whole hypothyroid stage of my life was that feeling that I was losing my edge on life.....and as I am reading your experience, it seems you had that same fear also. It is terrifying when you feel like you are losing the ability to be yourself even after numerous attempts to get yourself back after a pregnancy. Who cares about the weight and hair when what is most concerning is your lack of reasoning, emotional balance, cognition, alertness, and attentiveness? What is typical to you seems to be a thing of the past: I used to be a bright, capable person and now all I want to do is sleep.....I would consider the diagnosis of depression if I felt the classic DSM symptoms but all I feel is tired and out of touch with life, I know I can be a good mom and I know I should be able to offer so much to my little, beautiful baby but I can't seem to muster that innate connection and bond that ALL moms talk about, WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH ME?!
I am so proud of you for having the courage and determination to make your health professional stop and give you the attention you needed. I wish I would have long before I did. I am proud of you for having the self-awareness to know you needed help, I didn't get help until things got so bad I was past the point of any awareness for self or others. How my baby survived my negligence is truly a miracle. That brings me to the real reason I am commenting on your entry. I wanted you to know that I think you are a fabulous mom and Martin is so lucky to have you. You are doing such a good job with him and I promise, your life is only going to get better as your body recovers from this trauma. I imagine it will take a year or maybe longer for you to look back and realize you are yourself once again....the self only you know and can feel ultimately familiar with. You will feel more and more energy and connection with life and the people who mean most to you. If you have more children, you will be able to have that textbook innate, motherly bond that you still regret not having the first time around. It's nothing you did or didn't do. It is a diagnosis and that is absolutely not your fault! But if Martin is your only, you will continue to feel more and more of that emotion as your body adjusts to the meds and it will be amazing! Be patient with yourself and allow your body time to heal. And the weight and hair recovery are just bonuses, right?!
Nicole, hang in there. I have thought about you so much over the last few weeks. Call me if you ever want to talk. Or email....or blog....whatever. I would love to stay connected and perhaps be a support if I can through the rest of your recovery. I still remember how much I loved you and babysitting you growing up. You were such a big part of my life! I have such fond memories of you and your family and I am sad that I've let so much time go by without reaching out over the years. So I am going to try to be better. And I truly feel your pain regarding this hypothyroidism stage of your life. Anyway, I've rambled on....but as you say, isn't that what blogging is all about? :) Please know you always have a place to stay if you are ever in Salt Lake area....(well, ok ,a place not equipped with cute twins or with a Martha Stewart to be the hostess......but that's neither here nor there)! What I can tell you if this is some campaigning pitch, is that this place is pretty kick-back with kids who know how to get down and dirty.....Martin would fit right in! He and Liv could spend the whole day submerging oral utensils in whatever watery play station they find! We're not afraid! And I can't promise you healthy, healing organic cookies made from the freshest fruits of my self-growing garden....but hey, I am a champ at Mac-N-Cheese!
So, keep up the good work. You are an excellent mother and you are a really great person. I have all confidence in you as you continue to heal. And really, my doors always open.
Lots of love! HJ (801) 541-0612
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